Many parents are beginning to reconsider the traditional view of quitting as a sign of failure in their children’s lives. Rachel Garlinghouse, a mother of four, advocates for allowing her children to exit activities and relationships that no longer benefit them. She argues that this approach fosters confidence, maturity, and a greater understanding of their own needs.
Garlinghouse highlights a common scenario: parents who hesitate to let their children quit an extracurricular activity or friendship, fearing it will reflect poorly on both the child and themselves. This mindset, she argues, perpetuates the belief that quitting equates to moral failure. In stark contrast, Garlinghouse embraces the notion that there are valid reasons for quitting, asserting that it can be a healthy practice. She questions why her children should be held to a different standard than she applies to herself as an adult.
Encouraging Healthy Decisions
Garlinghouse’s approach with her teenagers and tweens includes supporting their decisions to leave sports or friendships that cause distress. For example, one of her teenagers participated in a competitive sports program that proved to be detrimental to her mental health. Despite initial hopes that the rigorous coaching would build resilience, it became clear that the program was not a suitable fit. When her daughter expressed a desire to quit, Garlinghouse agreed, prioritizing her child’s well-being over the expectations associated with an elite program.
Through this experience, Garlinghouse learned that quitting did not mean abandoning the sport altogether. Her daughter continued to play, just in a more supportive environment. This decision reinforced the idea that quitting can lead to healthier choices, allowing children to engage with activities in a way that is meaningful to them.
Garlinghouse also emphasizes the importance of evaluating relationships. Children often find themselves in friendships or social situations that are uncomfortable or unfulfilling. Rather than forcing her children to maintain these connections, she encourages them to recognize when a relationship is no longer beneficial. This practice of evaluating their social circles lays the groundwork for understanding healthy relationships.
Academic Freedom and Mental Health Awareness
As students reach high school, they gain more autonomy over their academic choices. Garlinghouse views this as an opportunity for her children to make informed decisions about their education. For instance, when her daughter opted to leave a science class that was heavily focused on mathematics—a subject she struggles with—Garlinghouse supported her decision. The pressure to maintain a prestigious academic record should not come at the cost of mental health.
Garlinghouse’s experiences as a college educator inform her perspective. She has witnessed numerous students experience burnout from overextending themselves or enrolling in classes that are too challenging. She believes that allowing her children to withdraw from unsuitable classes will teach them how to assess their limits early on, fostering resilience and confidence.
In addition to quitting extracurricular activities and classes, Garlinghouse supports her children in taking mental health days when needed. Living in a state that permits excused absences for mental health, she encourages her children to use these days to recharge. She argues against the notion of perfect attendance awards, which she considers ableist, and instead promotes an understanding of personal well-being.
Garlinghouse’s approach to parenting challenges traditional norms, suggesting that teaching children how to quit can be just as vital as fostering perseverance. By enabling her children to assess their commitments and prioritize their mental health, she hopes to raise well-adjusted adults capable of navigating the complexities of life.
Ultimately, Garlinghouse’s philosophy presents an evolving perspective on quitting. She believes that by allowing children to step back from unfulfilling activities and relationships, parents can help them develop a strong sense of self and the ability to make choices that best serve their personal growth.
