An older gay man is grappling with the continuation of a family gift-giving tradition initiated by his late mother. After years of estrangement, he has resumed the practice of gifting all family children $50 each year, a gesture that has become increasingly costly as the family has expanded. Despite his comfort with the financial aspect, he finds himself questioning the value of the tradition, especially since only one of the parents acknowledges the gifts.
The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, reflects on his relationship with his family following his mother’s passing. Prior to her death, he reconciled with family members, but interactions have remained infrequent. The tradition, which he maintains in honor of his mother, has begun to feel one-sided, especially as he hears that many younger family members may harbor grievances regarding their inheritance from their late grandmother.
Understanding the Meaning of Gift-Giving
In a response to his concerns, R. Eric Thomas, who offers advice through his column, emphasizes the importance of managing one’s own feelings rather than those of others. He notes that a gift is primarily a symbol of goodwill and affection, and its reception lies beyond the giver’s control.
“Remember that a gift, more than anything else, is a symbol of one’s well-wishes, one’s hopes for the recipient, and one’s love,” Thomas advises.
He acknowledges that the act of giving should not be contingent on receiving thanks but highlights that gifts typically warrant some form of acknowledgment. Thomas encourages the man to consider that while the gifts are a way to honor his mother’s memory, there might be alternate methods to achieve a sense of fulfillment in this tradition.
Exploring Alternative Ways to Honor Family
As the man grapples with the potential for disappointment in his family’s response, Thomas suggests evaluating whether this form of giving truly aligns with his emotional needs. He points out that feelings of obligation and resentment can arise when expectations are not met, and it may be beneficial to explore different avenues for honoring his mother’s legacy.
The advice serves as a reminder that the essence of gift-giving transcends mere financial transactions; it represents communication and connection within family dynamics. As families evolve, so too can traditions. For individuals facing similar dilemmas, reassessing the motivations behind their actions may provide clarity and peace.
For those seeking further guidance or wishing to share their own experiences, R. Eric Thomas invites questions through his email at [email protected] or via mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. His insights aim to foster healthier relationships through understanding and communication.
