In 2023, the loss of a loved one can lead to profound reflections on life, and for many, this includes the complex relationship between grief and gratitude. After her sister Beth was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away just six months later, Lesa Engelthaler, a children’s author based in Dallas, found herself grappling with these emotions. Beth, an elementary school teacher and grandmother, was an integral part of Engelthaler’s life, making her death an unthinkable loss.
Engelthaler often recalls the words of writer C.S. Lewis, who compared death to an amputated leg: the absence creates a permanent void that alters one’s experience of life. This year, as the holiday season approaches, Engelthaler prepares for an incomplete celebration, sharing her grief with her father and reflecting on Beth’s lasting influence.
Seeking to understand if others share her experience of intertwining grief and gratitude, Engelthaler interviewed three leaders from Dallas nonprofit organizations. These individuals have dedicated their careers to supporting children while navigating their own personal losses.
Irish Burch, CEO of the Dallas Children’s Advocacy Center, recently announced her retirement after three decades. Although she recognized it was time to step back, the decision was fraught with grief. Initially, Burch believed that the weight of her responsibilities would lift with her announcement, but instead, she felt a wave of sorrow. Over time, she realized that grief can coexist with gratitude. “I believe grief helps us honor what was, but it also helps us sit in gratitude for what we are called to leave behind and for what is still to come,” Burch explained.
Her perspective aligns with insights shared by Stephen Colbert on his podcast, All There Is. Colbert stated, “It’s a gift to exist. And with existence comes suffering.” Burch embraced this idea, acknowledging that gratitude does not exclude pain but rather enriches the human experience by allowing individuals to find meaning within their struggles.
Another leader, Tony J. Walker, senior vice president of The Jed Foundation, emphasizes the importance of shared experiences in fostering connections among people. Having lost his father to substance abuse at a young age, Walker understands how grief can create a bridge to empathy. Reflecting on Colbert’s quote, he recalled a question from his mother during difficult times: “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?” Walker concluded that the pain of loss enhances the beauty of love, stating, “If we all leaned into grief instead of running from it, the world would be a better place.”
Carol Goglia, the CEO of Catch Up and Read, shares a similar journey of grappling with loss. Her father, Chick Pierce, passed away unexpectedly on July 8, 2020, just after her daughter’s 17th birthday. Amid the COVID-19 pandemic, Goglia faced the challenge of mourning without the usual support systems. Initially overwhelmed by grief, she later came to appreciate the small gestures of kindness during her father’s illness. “Only in darkness can any of us truly appreciate the light,” she said, recognizing how her cancer diagnosis in 2015 reshaped her perspective on gratitude.
These narratives resonate with Engelthaler, who finds solace in the enduring impact of her sister’s legacy. The school where Beth taught has established a children’s library in her honor, and Engelthaler often encounters powerful stories that celebrate Beth’s life. “Of course I cry, but I also thank God for the eternal influence Beth had on the next generation,” she remarked.
As Engelthaler navigates her own grief, she has learned to respond differently when others share their struggles. Instead of offering platitudes, she now engages deeply, encouraging conversations about loss. Colbert’s message resonates with her: “Yes, it is indeed a gift to exist.”
Through the shared experiences of Burch, Walker, and Goglia, Engelthaler finds hope and reassurance that she is not alone in her journey. Each leader exemplifies the duality of grief and gratitude, illustrating how profound loss can lead to a deeper appreciation for the beauty of life. As the holiday season approaches, the lessons learned from these conversations highlight the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity to find light in the midst of darkness.
