Busy parents often find their intimate lives strained due to the demands of daily responsibilities. According to psychotherapist Vanessa Marin, many couples struggle with intimacy, and her insights can help navigate these challenges. Marin emphasizes that even amidst exhaustion, parents can rekindle their connection by adopting specific practices to enhance intimacy.
Research indicates that around 37% of mothers report feeling “very dissatisfied” or “dissatisfied” with their sexual frequency. Factors influencing this dissatisfaction include the lack of time and energy, desire, relationship dynamics, and mental exhaustion. Particularly for millennial mothers, a staggering 74% point to time and energy constraints as primary factors affecting their sexual satisfaction.
Marin encourages parents to reconsider the initiation of intimacy. She notes, “Initiating sex is about showing your partner that they’re important and that intimacy is a priority for you.” This act can foster a sense of closeness and connection. Both partners should feel empowered to initiate intimacy, as relying on one person can lead to feelings of disconnection and burden.
Many parents may find themselves too tired at the end of a long day, yet Marin suggests that even a simple expression of desire, such as a kiss or a playful touch, can go a long way. “You don’t need hours of uninterrupted time,” she explains. “A quick kiss or a simple, ‘Hey, want to sneak away for a bit?’ can be enough to get things started.”
Another common issue arises when one partner consistently initiates intimacy. Marin believes that both partners should share this responsibility to prevent emotional disconnection. “It would mean so much to me if you initiated sometimes, too. It makes me feel wanted and desired,” she advises. She also points out that initiation does not require immediate desire; it can simply be an openness to intimacy.
For couples struggling to make time for intimacy, Marin suggests scheduling it. “If you’re not intentional about carving out that time for each other, it’s simply not going to happen,” she states. This proactive approach can help ensure that both partners prioritize their connection.
Beyond sexual intimacy, Marin stresses the importance of non-sexual touch to foster closeness. Simple gestures like cuddling, holding hands, or sending a flirty text can keep the spark alive during busy days. “Even just looking up when your partner enters the room matters,” she notes, highlighting the physiological response of oxytocin production, which is linked to feelings of love and attachment.
Marin warns against developing a “bristle response,” where partners may tense up or withdraw from each other’s touch, leading to a cycle of disconnection. To combat this, she recommends that partners communicate openly about their needs and desires. “The solution is to have your partner simply ask if they want to have sex verbally,” she advises. This approach can help separate everyday physical touch from sexual requests, making intimacy feel more accessible.
With clear communication and an emphasis on mutual initiation and non-sexual touch, parents can transform their intimate lives. By approaching the end of a long day as a time for connection rather than another obligation, couples may find joy and relief in each other’s presence, even amid the chaos of parenting.
